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The Mountjoy Deception by David Jarvis

The Mountjoy Deception

by David Jarvis

286 pages
A hilarious novel with intrigue, romance, treachery and naughty bits.

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Category: Fiction:Humor
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About the Book
In part one of The Derek Mountjoy Trilogy, The Mountjoy Deception, Derek Mountjoy lies beneath a park bench next to an inexplicably large dog turd on a grassy knoll overlooking Tesco’s car park with a sniper rifle in his hand ready to kill one of the group gathered below him but who should it be? His flabby and irritating wife Irma; her lover Fat Barry the kebab loving drug dealer; Monkey Silverback the armourer; his boss the Esteemed Desmond Wilbury the third; Wendy Shawshank the receptionist with the hairy feet; the woman with the big tits from the Internet; the bloke in the pub from Corby or his nemesis from the Global Mega Condom Corporation of America, the interminably smug Jed Rhombus.

Derek was a lacklustre genetic research scientist living in Tadley with a passion for tank tops and corduroys when a plot hatched by Irma and Fat Barry involving the speeches of Margaret Thatcher and squirrel fur led him to be sacked. Now they could enjoy their passionate affair while he was on the road in his metallic orange Twingo with racing stripes selling recycled condoms and acting as an unwitting mule for Fat Barry’s cheap fag and drugs business.

Caught up without his knowledge in a global conspiracy to dominate the world’s stock markets using clones controlled by SPHINCTER and its perverted boss Bud ‘Audrey’ Schwartz, Derek finds his niche in the condom business and claims consecutive Golden Johnnies before Jed Rhombus snatches his glory away and humiliates him in front of the ageing rock star Clint Stinger at the National Condom Association awards in Basildon.

When Irma kicks him out of their house in Tadley and moves Fat Barry in, Derek finds his world unravelling and decides that it’s time he took control of his own fate. With the help of the bloke in the pub from Corby and the skills of the less than intelligent Monkey Silverback, Derek arms himself and watches The Jackal for inspiration. While he decides on his next move, a series of disastrous consequences lead to him finding out where all his tormentors will be at the same time. Derek makes his move unaware that he is being tracked by Interpol, the CIA and the SPHINCTER rendition team.

Can Derek Mountjoy piece together the sinister goings on at Erasable Rubbers, get together with the gorgeous and mysterious Melissa Goldman, discover why he gets an erection when he sees a squirrel and ultimately save the world? More importantly can he make his escape in a Twingo without losing his Chris de Burgh CD? A final dramatic confrontation on the Eurostar from Paris brings his world into focus, is he who he thinks he is?



About the Author
David Jarvis David Jarvis retired from the British armed forces after a fantastic career to live a peaceful life of subsistence farming in the hills of Italy. Sadly, he now works harder than ever. He uses his wealth of experience gained worldwide and his somewhat warped sense of humour in his storytelling.



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