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| Category: Entertainment | |
| About the Book | |
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Prehistoric
man and woman didn't have it so rough when it came to fine dining.
They just caught, killed and cooked. Today, on the other hand, dining out involves proper dress, valet parking, proper pronunciation of foreign words and many other unique problems that people with spears never had to deal with. SERIOUS RESERVATIONS teaches us all how to cope with the endless etiquette of fancy-schmansy restaurants. And, at the same time, SERIOUS RESERVATIONS gives ammunition to those who work in restaurants everywhere, who are forced to endure disgusting habits, mindless questions and ugly comments from less than enlightened diners. SERIOUS RESERVATIONS will guide you through every aspect of the fine dining experience without giving you severe abdominal cramps. It has been assembled by a comedian who has been a hostess at a four star, Beverly Hills restaurant and a comedy writer who once had to dress up in an 1890's outfit and beat a bass drum with a knife in an ice cream parlor. In other words, we're experts. CHAPTER OUTLINE CHAPTER 1: ARRIVING "Why Are We Eating Here?" Power Parking Judging By Appearances Dress For Excess When To Ignore People You Know CHAPTER 2: RESERVATIONS Locating And Confronting Your Host/Hostess Excuses For Not Having Reservations Using Other Names Bribing Threatening CHAPTER 3: SEATING Taking Control Of Someone Else's Table Deciding Where To Sit Without Permission Steering The Host/Hostess Examining Your Table And Chairs For Faults Gaining Status Based On Where You Sit CHAPTER 4: ORDERING Getting Your Server's Attention Questions To Never Ask A Server Dealing With Servers Who Cannot Be Understood "How Many Times Can I Change My Mind?" When To Ask, "Is It Any Good?" CHAPTER 5: WAITING Asking Other Employees How Long It Will Take What To Do If You'Re Really Hungry And Don'T Embarass Easily How To Impress Others By Being Impatient And Upset How To Get Even With Servers Who Ignore You How To Calm Others Who Are Sick Of Waiting CHAPTER 6: EATING/TABLE ETIQUETTE How To Politely Eat When Others Are Waiting For Their Food Using Unfamiliar Utensils When To Pass/Not Pass Things To People Disgusting Habits Of Which People Must Be Made Aware Making Others Self-Conscious While Eating For Your Own Gain CHAPTER 7: DIGESTING Covering Embarassing Sounds Your Body Makes Things To Not Talk About While/After Eating Things To Not Do With Your Mouth Immediately After Eating If You Start To Feel Sick... Trading Ideas On Stomach Problems CHAPTER 8: PAYING Getting Your Server To Lower The Amount Of Your Bill Double-Checking Without Seeming Like A Cheapskate How To Offer To Pay Without Getting Stuck Paying What To Do If You Are Paying And Don'T Have Enough Money Using Math Quickly, Decptively And In Your Favor On Leaving Small Tips And Abusive Notes CHAPTER 9: LEAVING You Know It's Time To Leave When... Refusing To Leave To Punish A Server/Restaurant Things To Not Say Aloud While Leaving Avoiding People You Did/Did Not Notice Earlier Humiliation And Valet Parking CHAPTER 10: RECOMMENDING When To Lie About A Restaurant You Actually Hated When To Lie About A Restaurant You Actually Loved Who To Complain To And When "My Way" Or The Highway
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| About the Author | |
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LAUREN LIEBOWITZ is a writer-comedian who has performed in Southern California at The Comedy Store, The Improv and The Ice House. BRAD SCHREIBER is an author, screenwriter, journalist, teacher and Vice President of Storytech Literary Consulting. |