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| Category: Memoir |
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| About the Book | |
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In Escaping Expectations, an adventurous psychologist explores the sights and cultures of exotic Borneo, applying a psychological perspective to the expectations of women as she becomes immersed in Muslim, Chinese, and Indigenous tribal cultures. Along the way, she discovers as much about herself as the people she is with. She shows how to embrace people with differing points of view and view oneself without the judgments that come from others’ expectations. Follow her journey as her initial excitement is dashed by not having any money to buy food nor water. She is rescued by a Chinese real estate agent who introduces her to some of the customs she will observe. She then becomes immersed in the Muslim culture of the university, where she will be consulting during the next five months. As she adopts the Muslim dress code and expectations for how women are supposed to behave, she questions her need to live up to others’ expectations of her. She travels to various universities throughout Malaysia, where she is deeply immersed in Chinese and indigenous cultures. She encounters lush rainforests and exotic food but is most impressed by how women live in these cultures. She also learns about the destruction of the rainforests and the oppression of various groups within Malaysia. Because she represents the United States as a goodwill ambassador to faculty and was always taught to try to fit in, she strives to learn from others rather than imposing her expectations. However, her self-image is shattered when she realizes she cannot please everyone. A dramatic stripping away of her expectations for herself occurs when the male faculty at a fundamentalist Islamic university criticizes her research. In many ways, it feels like a rejection of her. Her self-worth depended on the approval of others. So, she is forced to begin separating her view of herself from others’ opinions of her. During separate visits of her husband and son, she enjoys snorkeling and trekking through a rainforest. Besides renewing her relationship with her husband, she reflects on the evolving nature of her bond with her son as he grows into adulthood. She takes a side trip alone to Langkawi, an island off the Malaysian mainland, where she feels threatened by the taxi driver, who thinks she might be a spy. The driver looked and talked like a possible Islamic terrorist, and she had been warned about terrorists in Malaysia. Back at her university in Borneo, her students teach her about Islam’s diverse interpretations and practices, as well as the challenges women face in these societies. She begins teaching not just psychological theories and research, but also ways a woman can help others by showing empathy. One night, she watches the horrors of the 9/11 terrorist attacks on television and is cautioned to leave Borneo immediately. She spends time in Bali, immersing herself in the island’s natural beauty and Hindu cultural traditions. A Komodo dragon threatens her, but she manages to suppress her usual impulsive reactions and back away slowly. She reflects on her experiences in Borneo and the lessons she has learned about herself and others. Years after leaving Borneo, a personal health scare and an Islamic terrorist's murder of one of her former students remind her of the fragility of life and the importance of cherishing each moment.
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| Reviews | |
"In Escaping Expectations, Dr. Beverly Palmer brings the rare combination of an academic researcher’s inquiry, a painter’s eye, and a psychologist’s sensitivity to vividly recount her journey in colorful and clashing Borneo when it was still exotic, pre-Sept 2011. I feel like I am right there with the author, visiting colorful Borneo, in awe and wonder. This book reads fast and smart, blending personal and universal truths, questioning inner and outer limitations and expectations through the lens of social upbringing and in the context of diverse cultural values. I found the book to be beautifully written and impactful, full of practical advice and psychological insight that is especially relevant and important for anyone who wishes to navigate today’s changing and divisive times peacefully. This adventure is full of emotional insights and psychological truths about inner and outer expectations. One phrase especially resonated with me: “I did not want others’ expectations imposed on me, nor did I want to depend on others’ opinions for my view of myself." "Escaping Expectations follows the adventures of Beverly Palmer, a psychologist, during her six months in Borneo. Starting as a frightened American whose bank and credit cards were frozen, to becoming a professor who embraced, enjoyed, and lectured at a foreign university will thrill and entrance you. Dr. Palmer shares how she worked on her core belief that a good life isn’t about doing what others expect but about having the courage to follow your adventurous nature, wherever it might lead. Her passion is infectious! This is a 5-star read!" "As a frequent traveler to exotic places myself, I was curious about the perspective of a psychology professor during her time in Borneo. First, I would say that it was creatively written, drawing on her experiences as a local, not a tourist, during her six months as a Fulbright scholar at the university in Borneo. I learned a great deal about the people and their cultures through the eyes of Dr. Palmer, whose warmth and curiosity shine through as she recounts how she attempts to prevent her expectations from coloring her experiences. To understand Malay culture, she adopted a philosophy that emphasized the importance of social harmony, and thus, when things went awry, she attempted to accommodate rather than complain. After reading about the 9000 flowering plants and the 370 different birds, I am anxious to visit this country, although I am not as adventurous as this brave lady. Everything in this book is so genuine and exciting,I just couldn't put it down and finished it in two days. Highly recommended for anyone interested in understanding the culture of Borneo and understanding themselves."
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| About the Author | |
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Beverly Palmer, Ph. D., is an Emeritus Professor of Psychology, California State University, Dominguez Hills, and a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice. Her expertise in interpersonal relations and deep empathy for people from diverse cultures earned her a prestigious Fulbright Fellowship to Borneo. |